Usually I will prattle on endlessly about how bad it is where I work, secretly praying I will get fired for writing about this place on the net and posting it on blogs. But today it was like a lightning bolt pierced my skull and the utter uselessness of my endless efforts of becoming a model worker for this company became apparent. Let me explain; today started off as usual when clouds loom on the horizon (literally) many people were sent home and the few that were left to fend for themselves took the bullet for the team. Car after car piled in and a mad scramble to assure quality control was thrown from the roof. As I was hunkered down in front of one of these obnoxious Cadillac Escalades I noticed the owner of the wash moving into the express detail area with a woman behind him. Okay first I have to explain the layout of this area; there are two car-wide sized belts that run parallel to each other on which cars are driven onto and when the belt runs the car should be finished getting wiped down by the time the car reaches the other side. At the beginning of these 150 foot long belts are grates where you can access the underbelly of these giants to perform routine maintenance. The owner had removed one of the grates 2 months ago to repair the belt and never got around to finishing the job or in my opinion got in deeper than he could swim and was such a fucking cheap bastard he didn't call in a technician who could finish the job in days. Nonetheless, the woman carrying the camera was apparently getting the logistics from the owner of the operation in this building while she appeared to be taking pictures because her eyes were tuned into the view finder. I turned my back for a second to adjust my squatting position in front of this beast and when I looked back she was gone and the owner (dumbstruck to say the least) was staring ,blank faced into the 2x2 gaping hole.HIS first reaction dial 911 on his cellphone,MY first reaction run to the hole. Now I will digress for one second to delve into my past, I have witnessed first hand many dead bodies in many states of decomposition, ranging from fresh to bloated. The one thing that always shocks me is the way the body seems to lose all posture or composure and it falls haphazardly like a puppet with its strings cut. When I approached the hole the shock of seeing this woman crumpled up and lying in a pool of filth hit me in the guts..(I have ventured into the "PIT" as we lovingly call it,trust me this shit is FOUL) By this time another guy had jumped in and I reached over to help him pull her lifeless body out..She was dead to the world so it was a struggle to lift her out..Her eyes were shut and I swore she was dead but then her eye fluttered open and I asked her "What is your name?" Her eyes rolled back and her jaw fell open, my asshole dropped out. My friend held her up for support and the guy whose car came out from the belt ran over and said he was a EMT..I stepped back and let the pro take over while my friend continued to prop her up. I always remember the first thing to do is make sure they don't lay down or go to sleep when there is a head injury involved. It was pretty gruesome,the cut on the side of her head started bleeding, dark crimson, darker than my fake blood which I always use on weekends when I'm bored. Apparently she sidestepped into the hole and hit the side of her head into the metal which props up the grate when it gets slid into place..BAM! Your day is ruined in milliseconds. Now comes the routine part ambulance,vitals,stretcher,denial,departure. You would think this cheap fucker and his family would have at least gotten into the ambulance with her and kissed her ass until she got home later that day or whenever seeing that this was the lawsuit nobody wants in their business,the burned lips on the cup McDonalds coffee. No, nobody cared,the 3 of them stayed,the old man wandered around like he had lost his arm;like in the beginning of "Saving Private Ryan"..Shell shocked for at least 15 minutes I waited until he would come around and tell everyone how it was Our fault and surprisingly it didn't happen.YET. I heard him joking about a car that had some cat sticker on it and that's when it hit me like a slap.They really didn't give a flying fuck about anything or anyone except themselves.. Then came the speech about this was our fault as much as it was his.......I didn't bother to translate.Long live the pig fuckers."OYE,HEAVY DOOTY!"
(MUSIC TO FUCK PEOPLE UP TO)
Let's start with the old school shits..I cannot stress how much this album has been the soundtrack to so many things important to me. These things including stomping a fucking mudhole in someones ass. Great stress relief to the point of maybe inching out Yoga.Listen with reckless abandon and since I am the first generation of the WALKMAN listeners I am deaf so listen loud,very very loud for your MOMS.Choice cuts, every track, what the fuck do you think?
This article is about the Swedish band. For the disease known as hives, see Urticaria. My secret fantasy is to back-hook kick someone in the face while the opening track "Abra Cadaver" is playing. Then I want to press repeat and kick them again,in the neck bone.Proof positive that Swedish bands are fucking awesome (don't believe me look up the band Messugah)Pop this in the day you quit your job.This in the background and a hand full of glitter into your ex-bosses face, oh yeah, memorable alright,like two fucking samurai swords at your ex-girlfriends wedding... By the way,yeah you ain't getting glitter out...EVER
Irony is a bitch: the woman that fell in the hole, works for the workers comp people.
now fuck the fuck off....
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